The Gaming Survival Guide

Being a reviewer requires that you have reviews up on time and when needed. Due to a long string of irritating circumstances and that seem completely outlandish prevented me from completing anything for several months, so I decided to create a Gaming Survival Guide. Some of these I’m sure have happened to a majority of you and can relate in some way. Right, let’s get started in protecting your precious gaming time

  • Clean Machine:

    Lvl. 10 Cleaning army
    Lvl. 10 Cleaning army


    • Ensure that your play area is free of clutter and debris. This space will be taken up by the next step.
    • Before any marathon game weekend, make sure your hardware is free of performance robbing dust bunnies. These evil critters will cause your machine to work harder to remove the heat. The more heat the more likely you will have to switch off and let your machine cool. It also makes your digital sanctuary uncomfortably warm, reducing your reactions and making you sweet a bit. After the second day you will begin to wonder if a rat died around you, making you either look for the smell or take a shower, thus further interrupting your gaming fun.
  • Snacks and Sodas and an exit strategy:

    This isn't my pile. Mine is nonexistent
    This isn’t my pile. Mine is nonexistent
    • A warrior cannot fight on an empty stomach. Get plenty sweets, sodas and junk food to fuel your lengthy battles. If you have a girlfriend or boyfriend, make sure to give them plenty love before you disappear on your quest. This also increases the likelihood of them buying you refueling goodies. Except if it’s my lady… you will starve.
    • Once all the crap has been consumed, you need to store it. Creating heaps of junk is fun, but a real gamer will play a life-sized version of Tetris with the rubbish. Once the stacking is complete, it’s best to know your path to the bathroom. Let’s face it; you don’t want to be covered in a mountain of garbage when you forget to place a vertical pizza box in the slot that would hold it all together.
  • Internet Connection and ISP:frayed_new

    • If you are gaming “on the line”, make sure that your internet is fully functional.  Check your internet speeds regularly to avoid embarrassing lag in your game.
    • I am still having a lengthy battle with my ISP where my connection speed is virtually nonexistent. Online gaming, a melancholy vague memory at this point. I would play the name-game but i can’t afford a good lawyer this point in time.
    • For the love of whatever quest item you are looking for, ensure you have checked the latency with your ISP and the line can be supported, especially the one you are paying for.
  • AntivirusWeb

    • Just like any other good night out, keep protection close and unexpired. The last thing you want to be doing is trying to figure out where or who you picked the virus up from… and yes there is a double meaning here.
  • Medical medi12132132

    • It’s always good to be prepared for any emergency. Make sure that you have an ample supply of Band-Aids.  These have a multipurpose, you can use them to bind basic cuts or stick to the hairs of players that have passed out during gameplay.
    • Splints should also be handy, you never know when you may strain a finger from pressing too hard on your various controllers.
    • A soft touch is also advised. Crunching down on the keys is a surefire way to ensure that you pick up an injury. Pressing hard on the key does not make your car go faster, your hero kill harder or your character shoot straighter. Keep a soft touch and you’ll go a long way.
  • Friends:   new

    • You need these from time to time. So before rocking your quest, start a personal quest to find actual people who will help you in your quest. If you do the “lone wolf” thing, consider how boring a game would be if there were no NPC’s to interact with and give you stuff for completing quests or objectives. Same can be said for LAN’s. It would be pretty lame having a LAN party with just one player.
  • Panic Roomsvault_door2_new

    • This will be the room in which you reside during your marathon. As mentioned in the earlier points, it would be wise to stock as much food and drinks to survive the coming zombie apocalypse. Rather prepared than dead.
    • Keep the room at a good lighting level, this works twofold. 1. Your eyes will take less strain and allow you to focus more (just remember to blink). 2. I get quite enthusiastic and make a lot of noise and wake my lady. The good light will keep your partner at bay long enough so that they don’t scare the hell out of you when rocking the puffy eyes and bed hair.
  • Power Hungry

    Sing the Doom Song
    Sing the Doom Song
    • We have a wonderful thing here in South Africa and it’s called load shedding. I’m sure this is not a unique or revolutionary concept, but the idea is to just cut your power with little to no indication of when it will be back up and running. Whoever had this brainchild should be repeatedly shot in the inner thigh with an industrial rubber band.
    • If you have a UPS, ensure that the batteries are fresh and all fuses are checked and replaced (only do this if the warranty is void, if not rather take it back).
    • For those who own a generator, I envy you. Ensure that the fuel is topped up and starts first time. Locate it somewhere where it’s easy to access and you won’t be interrupted by its making sweet power generating music.

This concludes this edition of the The Gaming Survival Guide. I will add to this if I remember and if my ISP, dust bunnies, partner, power, UFO’s, the Sun and other interrupting factors allow. Now armed with this somewhat informative information, venture forth and make me proud.





About Tyler Smail

Tyler Smail
Genetically created to be inhumanly awesome in a lab beneath the earth, I came to be. I rule the world with a iron first but also have a hidden soft spot for puppies. All look up to me in awe and amazement and silently whisper to themselves: "I Wish I were that Awesome". I place my gaze upon them and say, "not to worry my subjects, I will be awesome for all of us", and all cheer in unison. This is my life. My real life on the other hand is playing games until I dream of them and keeping my lady and three dogs entertained. As a sub note: if you make me ruler, I promise to build a coliseum and has weekly Zombie death matches... so to speak

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